Holy Trustfunds, Batman!

ELLWOOD CITY, Pa. - Holy collectibles, Batman!

A near-mint copy of Detective Comics No. 27, a pre-Second World War comic featuring Batman's debut, was recently found in an attic and sold to a local collector.

The comic is considered to be the second-most valuable available and can fetch up to US$500,000. The only comic considered more valuable is Action Comics No. 1, in which Superman makes his first appearance.

Collector Todd McDevitt said the Batman issue he bought is worth about $250,000, but he won't say exactly how much he paid or who sold it to him.

"It was a typical story of someone cleaning up junk in their attic and finding an old comic book and wondering if this was one of those ones that was worth a lot of money," McDevitt told the Beaver County Times.

McDevitt, owner of the Pittsburgh region's five New Dimension Comics stores, said he has been saving money since 1986 so that he could buy a valuable comic when it appeared.

When the seller walked in with the Batman issue, "my eyes almost popped out of my head," McDevitt said.

"I guess I should have been more reserved, but I'm not a very good poker player," he said.

Experts estimate there are between 20 and a few hundred copies of the Batman debut.

McDevitt's comic now sits safely in an airtight bag in a bank vault. On occasion, he takes it out to show friends and customers.

"I've been toying with the idea of reading it, but I haven't yet," he said. "I'm going to savour it.


No matter who you are, when you see one of these stories of a comic book selling for hundreds of thousands of dollars,it has to freak you out. The guy has been saving money since 1986 in the hopes of one day... wait for it.... buying a comic. I know that collectors are collectors and its a type of mania that will someday rank up there with pedophiles and necrophiliacs( some would say they are already combined thanks to you sick beanie baby lot!) on the can't help themselves scale. Being an enthusiast is cool, that's what keeps the industries going. But when you see dudes with tons of money making crazy bids on things and hoarding them just to stroke their own ego and POSSESS, you have to kind of sit back and go - is this 70 year old, mint condition, ground breaking comic of which there will probably not be more copies ever found in this condition - worth 5 to 10 years salary of an average working class Joe? I would be really interested in knowing what the people who found the comic end up doing with the $200,000.They've probably always had their eye on those Royal Dalton figurines of Wayne and Garth on Ebay......

A Strange Dream I Had

I had a strange dream the other night.I was at a show in a small town. This was obvious by the fact that the band was playing on an outdoor,screened in veranda. The band reminded me of Berurier Noir, wearing clockwork orange gear, but with Chi Pig singing. Very serious stuff. Then there came a song where the band just stopped in the middle of the song and calmly set down their instruments and slowly start to file out of the porch into the night. Chi stays there, frozen in space, staring down the crowd with his best solo era Rollins gaze. As if on cue the crowd starts to leave too. After a couple of minutes every one is gone except me. I've had a couple and I've got a full one, very comfortable perched on the picnic table. Minutes pass and I realize that his eyes are on me staring me down so hard his eyebrows look like they are about to slam shut like a bear trap. I begin to become aware of someone to the side behind me. This petite woman in glasses and all kinds of tats ,approaches me and tells me I have to leave. I ask why.S he says that its the artists usual grand finale, representing each persons solitary fight against madness. Once he has stared down every one of his "demons" he can exit through the back of the hall and everyone will be allowed to re enter the club. I tell her that its the loopiest thing I've ever heard of. She insists that I have to leave to conclude the performance. I ask her if closing and covering my eyes while he made his escape would do. Finally she tells me shes willing to give me an autographed copy of a book written about Chi. I start to laugh and tell her that I'll give in and leave. As I exit through the front door the crowd has formed a wide arc and begin applauding. Confused I look for a escape route through the throng. They advance and begin to slap me on the back and rub my head. An acquaintance I don't recognize but somehow feel comfortable with,tells me I have set a new best time at 6:38 ...and I awake to this time on the clock.

Now the moral of this story might be don't take yourself or others too seriously. And the moral might be don't eat greasy shit before going to bed which my buddy Will blames strange dreams I remember on. Either way I wouldn't mind finding that club, nice fresh air, good beer and the smell of BBQ.

Attention!! The Beer Is Safe!! Attention!!

When the story broke a few months ago about the tampering with Stella Artois bottles two things came to mind right away. First was - why would someone spike bottles of beer randomly? The second was - wow! That's really going to affect those two old french codgers in Chicoutimi who actually drink Stella. Now see story below.


Brewer gets to bottom of tainted beer problem
CanWest News Service
TORONTO -- Labatt Breweries said Thursday they have discovered how some Stella Artois beer bottles, sold at Canadian bars earlier this summer, were filled with concentrated alcohol.
An investigation determined the affected bottles were intended for display purposes only and had been filled with concentrated alcohol as a replacement liquid, the brewer said in a prepared statement.
In July the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (CFIA) and Labatt warned the public about the problem.
The CFIA was advised of six bottles suspected of being tampered with in which concentrated alcohol was put into 330 ml Stella Artois beer bottles.
These incidents occurred with beer sold at restaurants and bars in Toronto and Kamloops, B.C.
"It appears that in a few isolated incidents, a bottle was removed from a display, and then later inadvertently placed into the bar fridge and subsequently provided to a customer," the company said in a prepared statement. "The investigation clearly showed that the incidents were accidental and there was no intent to harm consumers in any way."
The brewer said it has undertaken two comprehensive reviews to identify and retrieve bottles associated with the displays.
Labatt has also implemented strict, new control procedures related to marketing displays.

© CanWest News Service 2007

OK, so my first question was answered. But more are created. Replacement liquid? why wouldn't you just put regular bottles out there for display. Was the concentrated alcohol way cheaper than beer? And why would a bar owner - any bar owner - not be expected to try and sell something that was given to him for free? I guess all the bad press dooms us to a couple more years of those retarded 'artsy' Stella ads on television to build the consumer base back up after this fiasco. I can't imagine the relief in Chicoutimi tonight.

Killer Riffs, Rolled Up Cuffs And Beer That Tastes Like Crematory Ashes.

A buddy of mine put me onto a band he knew a few months ago. These guys are a Psychobilly (rockabilly songwriting with Misfits/ghoulish lyrics and themes)band from Victoria called the Switchblade Valentines. I checked out their Myspace page and found that the music was good and the production was great for an independent.
Later I find out they are doing a Canadian tour and would be coming to Montreal in September. Great. I set about getting more info on the band and the whole sub - culture. Found an old web site for the band that had the whole first album online for listening. Fun stuff. Digging into Psycho leads me to find out that Montreal, Calgary, and southern BC seem to be the hotbeds for this retro fitted, hot rod loving, roller derby obsessed, but otherwise harmless lifestyle. I won't call it a fad. There have always been billy scenes in every city. The ones today are just a little more jaded with punk backgrounds.
The show is at a small bar on St. Laurent & St. Catherine. Good size crowd out front smoking. Five clams to get in and stamped. The bar is set up like an older apartment. Open area with the bar in front, long hallway to the back, and another open space in the back where the stage is. More ink in here than at the Globe & Mail. The smell of denim and leather hits me in the face the way smoke used to. With the people outside the crowd seems to be about sixty deep. Best that can be expected for a Tuesday night. I had a couple of drinks and six or seven beer before leaving home so I'm glowing. Pitchers are $9 and come with four shots. We take Apple Jacks.
The band hits the stage with a fury that flattens the twenty odd people who make their way to the back to check out the music. First song, broken strings, knocked over drum kit and I know I'm definitely gonna need more beer. My buddy motions me to the bar. We knock the shots and chase with the beer while returning to the action. Somethings not right the beer goes down like one of those halfers you grab on Sunday morning only to discover there are two smokes inside. At first I figure its just the taste of the Apple Jacks fuckin with the taste of the micro brew. Nah the beer is really off.

This bunch of guys really kicks ass. I have never seen a drummer play standing up like that before. Well I have, but not while playing this fast. Too bad most of the crowd left when they started playing. Only about thirty people left in the whole place. Its the 25th of September, and we had an unusually hot day. The walls are melting in this little space and the singer isn't far behind. The boys are going breakneck now just trying to finish the set. They blaze through the last tune and run for smokes outside. I intercept the guitar player and chat for a minute ( he's from Hartland, down home, and a buddy told me to make sure to say Hi) and then make my way out and to the metro.
Good energy from the music and the crowd. Gonna make sure to check out more of the Psycho scene. Feel free to go check out the Switchblade Valentines at:
http://www.myspace.com/theswitchbladevalentines
and feel even freer to go check out any and all unsigned independent bands coming through your town. They are just hard working people like you and me that spend their vacations draggin' it across country to bring you the rock.

The Long %@&# Of The Law

I know this motif is tired , but go check this out and come back.

http://www.team4news.com/Global/story.asp?S=7007931


Now I don't know how things happen in your two or even three hot dog stand towns that you come from, but how did a story like this slide by in early September with no one asking all the obvious questions? I searched for a couple of weeks for follow up stories, then finally the other day, I found this.


Accused Texas Police Chief Is Fired
11 Sep 22, 2007 6:02 AM days ago)
AP
ALTON, Texas (Map, News) - The police chief in this southern Texas town has been fired weeks after he was accused of sexually assaulting two male employees.
Jose Luis Vela was suspended after his Aug 29. arrest on two charges of sexual assault. Three more current and former police department employees have since accused Vela of sexual harassment.
City Manager Jorge Arcaute fired Vela Friday for poor record keeping and possible theft of confiscated items. He said allegations surfaced accusing Vela of stealing alcohol confiscated by his department.
Vela said he never took confiscated beer, nor was he involved in logging items. He is out on bail and plans to plead not guilty to the charges.
Investigators have accused Vela of performing oral sex on a male employee after the man passed out drunk at a party about a year ago at Vela's home in Mission, according to court documents. Vela is also accused of violating a different male employee with an object while that man was passed out at a party in July, Sheriff Lupe Trevino said.
Alton is a town of about 4,400 residents, located 10 miles north of the Mexican border in the Rio Grande Valley.
Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Now on a further 10 second Google search of our dear sheriffs name this was produced.

http://www.tdi.state.tx.us/fraud/frpress.html
Texas Department of Insurance Issues Top Ten Fraud List
April 18, 2006

9. Jose Vega, a former Texas Peace Officer, filed a claim with his insurer for $7,790.50 in items stolen during a burglary of his residence. The burglary never happened and the items were not stolen. Vega received five years deferred adjudication, was ordered to complete 260 hours of community service, and was ordered to pay $7,790.50 in restitution. In addition Vega was ordered to surrender his peace officer license to the Texas Commission on Law Enforcement Officer Standards and Education.

So this guy, who had already lost his cushy state job, and was relegated to a two burro border town, likes to blow off some steam by getting drunk on Friday night and throw the lubbin'into his passed out deputies. Questions??? Damn right.

1) While these yahoos are partying and getting their freak on, how many people can be manning the fort in a town of 4,000
2) How many boxes of cracker jacks did this man have to buy to get another badge?
3) How exactly did it come up in casual office conversation that you had passed out and woke up with your boss wiping your goo off his chin. "Oh yeah? Me too!!".
4) Why didn't he just go and hang out at rest stops or airport washrooms like any normal, upstanding american.

So remember the next time your boss invites you over to his place for a party on Friday night, launch into your best crotch scratching fit and and tell him you would if you weren't dealing with alot of leakage from your burning haemorrhoids.

How I Had My Face Blown Off While I Wasn't Looking

Went to see a show last Saturday night. I knew the bands stuff, have a few tunes on my pod, but the whole time leading up to the show, I was thinking i'd be more stoked if I was going to see Dinosaur Jr. tonight. Well you know what? Ween totally blew me away. The heavy rythm section reworking of thier songs for the stage is Dylanesque in its proportions. They blew my face off, drenched me in guava sweat and the volume left my ribs feeling like I had done 30 situps ( yeah, yeah , i know big deal? Make it 75 for you OK?). Bottom line was, over two hours of music and only two songs from Choclate and Cheese. Now if a band had an album with four or five singles 10 classics, should be a shoe in to hear them right - wrong. The whole show was an exhibition of how they could fuck with our heads and play nothing we were expecting but making us love them for it. The more people called out for Buenos Tardes Amigos, the louder and farther away from anything acoustic and soothing they got. Did I think a couple of old dudes could pull off an evening of music with no opening acts? No. Did they? Hell yeah. They would have embarrassed any group of young bucks stupid enough to challenge them. Do I think Dinosaur Jr might have been a better show? Maybe. Did I make the right choice? definitely. J Mascis is a virtuoso and the whole world expects to be put into awe by him every night. I didnt have any expectations of two thirty something stoner kids who grew up inhaling helium and trying to dryhump a casio. Now I do.

Punch a Drunk, Love!

Go read this :
http://www.canada.com/montrealgazette/news/story.html?id=e7b802fa-65cc-42f4-a854-7baf35d553e6&k=80899

Now think about it for a minute.
Six prior convictions. Six. What does he win if he gets to ten? A free wine cellar? A fully furnished loft upstairs from his favorite bar? This is totally unacceptable.
Two or three months ago there was a story in the Journal de Montreal about a man who had been caught for the ninth time. All the old french guys I have coffee with each morning were laughing and joking about it. THIS is totally unacceptable.
Lets just put things in perspective here. This man lives in a city where he can come home from work, pick up his phone, call his corner depanneur and have beer, wine, whatever delivered right to his door, no strike that, if he leaves the door open,delivered right to his Lazyboy. And they will take any empties as thier tip or to cover part of the bill. And yet there are still thosands of yahoos who endanger themselves and others everyday.
There has to be a way to get through to the younger generation so that the cycle of foolishness ends. What would it take? A family tragedy? Nope. I recently had a former co- worker and her father land at the bar I work at in grief because they had lost a sister/daughter to a drunk driving incident.They stayed , and drank, for a few hours before leaving seperately, in thier own rides. Now they weren't drunk. But they had been drinking.
I am by no means judging people who drink. I'm an All- Star myself. But long, long ago I realized this and got rid of my car. More and more drinkers will get the point. As long as the government wakes up and makes them responsible for the act. Not just when the act kills.

Puffy and Fluffy

"Blue skies, nothing but blue skies, from now on..."

Damn straight Willie.

Today was a spectacular day.Even though we may as yet get another shot of flurries,Spring was made itself known today.Plus it put a push into your slightly sickly narrator.A well deserved day-off,and the most was made of it.Up by seven thirty and running to empty the cabana before the garbage trucks passed.Then off to the markets and home by nine to make breakfast.

The highlight of the day was working in the yard.Staring to get stuff ready to retop and reseed my lawn this year, so the earlier its level the earlier it will be emerald.Alot of people are afraid of the fresh air if they have a cold,but it's a long held Maritime secret that if a retard has a cold you'll probably find him out icefishing or harvesting icicles topless.

Then i looked up.That was my real confirmation that Spring had sprung.The usual winter cummulus clouds were gone replaced by some nice cirrus swirls nimbus after some high altitude stratus action in the morning.Its really hard to get good photos of stratus structures because they are so thin and high that digital zoom distorts them too much while optical zoom cant define them well.Thats why a good batch of cirrus,or cirrus nimbus are great.Not too low so you cant catch details and just dark enough that the contrast with the background.And lots of swirls.

Not much going yet this year for sunset pics but I'm thinking if my cold is gone by next Tuesday I might take the ol'tripod down to Lasalle Boulevard by Herron Island and get some sunrise shots over the south shore,weather permitting.Both times I wanted to do this last year, I din't check the forecast and awoke to rain.

Still gonna have to wait and see about wether it was a good idea to spend part of the day outdoors or not, but even if I get sicker it was worth it to hang out in my own space with my best buddy and some clouds and birds and a squirrel and an inflatable frog,the cats living in the crawlspace under the house,the garbage men in the alley and some crazy, crazy clouds.

The Joys of Language.

Monday was a very relaxed day here in the Bell Province.The provincial election was on so there was no school, everyone was cutting work early, and it was generally a slow Monday.So to help kill time and begin to start helping them with their language skills,I decided to spend the day teaching some English to two of my co-workers.Both are new in Canada.Nur hails from Kyrgistan and Sizwed'lhami is from Swaziland.Don't worry I cant say it either.I just call him Sizzle.He's 18 and he's going to be a Hip Hop star and have all the womens in Canada after him.Sure he is.Soooo...as one of my first lessons I chose to work with education through music.No problem.Nixed the idea of starting with the national anthem.Happy birthday cruised by very quickly.Then for something a little more complex,New York,New York.Again painless and it was easy to tell that they were not only picking up the words ,but their relation to one another.So I chose to teach them the chorus to one of my favorite songs- Born With A Tail by the Supersuckers.Great little ditty,and it has a call and return pattern.Perfect for learning as a small group.Lyrics are as follows......

You Know! I'm in league with Satan
You Know!There is no debatin'
My Hellbound Trail
I was Born With a Tail !

Yahoo!Did that get yer blood up?Got me going.Nothing like a little fist pounding rock n roll to knock the corners off a day!Anyway, right from the get go big problems.Had to go to my dry erase grocery list board and start by explaining the difference between know and no,why we shorten words like debating, etc.Long story short after three or four brutal, stop/start, caterwauling renditions I can see by the glazed look that these two guys are just totally lost.They understand most of the words but they just cant piece them together in their heads.So I freeze for a moment and think,what would a teacher do?O.K. after excusing himself,running to the washrooms and sneaking a drink,what would a teacher do?I grasp at straws. "Any questions? ".The Russian guy wants to know why someone would want to play hockey with Father Christmas,Sizzle asks if his Mother is going to find out he was speaking of the Devil,and I decide that maybe its time to end the lesson for today.We work in silence for the last hour or so only chancing side to side darting glances at one another.By four pm., two of us were leaving and on the way to the bus I apologized to Nur if I confused him.He said "Don't worry.Many things are odd here.Why do I make the same sandwich for two hours on Friday?".Well Nur this is the joy of Language " One club,one club for two,one smoke meat,two more clubs,one no tomato,one extra cheese both with salad instead of fries,one no dressing,one fish and chip with a club ,brown bread....".

The New NHL

Alot of oldtimers have been burning on the state of hockey all year long.I've done it myself.But,I gotta tell ya,watching stretch games over the last two weeks,its back and more alive than ever(unless you live in Edmonton or Philly- R.I.P. boys).I haven't been checking out Habs games per say but if you are watching ( or listening ) to games from Tampa,Buffalo,New York and even Nashville-the fans are loud and proud.REAL LOUD!Too bad a good playoff fight is being marred by fighting and highsticking.Both the Chris Simon incident and the Fedoruk punch(you couldn't really call that a fight)were notably followed by very long silences.People are not paying $100 and up to watch some EMTs carry a gorilla off the ice.They can go see it for free on Saturday afternoons when the Freeman brothers get ripped while fishing on Lake Champlain and fall in the hole.The good thing is the game looks like it has made it through the strike era and come out fully intact.Long live the good ol hockey game.
P.S. Montreal are still going to miss the Playoffs.
P.S.S. Go ISLES!!!

Where is the Liberal Party Going or How I Learned to Smell the Pain Fouré

At first it seemed a coincidence to me that the federal Liberal party picked a Quebecoise leader when the Tories seem to be riding their best head of steam in 20 years.Then I thought about it.TRUDEAU.clark.MULROONEY.campbell.CHRETIEN.MARTIN.sharkeyes.Four of the last seven Primeministers hailed from Quebec.And DION is coming.The youth of Quebec love this guy.Within four months of taking the reigns of the party,Marc St Maurice-leader of the Bloc Pot,has defected to the federal Liberals and now Justin is headed to Ottawa.But if the Liberals are all hopped up with french MPs,and the Blocs sitting members are obviously french,who is the joke on?Quebec rails against the federal government,who smiles and says'absolument'.
But its easier to deal with than the provincial situation.The Liberals haven't really done anything wrong,but they are not doing much.I'm thinking of campaigning to get another canidate on the bill.A man we can all understand and relate to,and whose motives are an open book.There is only one man in Quebec who will always tell the truth even if no one is listening .Thats right.Johnny Boy! from Tetes a Claques.You've never seen him,but Charest hasn't ben Mr Red Carpet either.And tell me,who would make a better first lady in Quebec than la Belle Cecille?

Shake The Winter Blues And Paint The Town Green!

Yes,that precious time of year is upon us.St Paddys Day looms and like most years people are like"I'm gonna go to the parade and see what happens from there...".Error!Dont go out without a specified plan.Dont go out without a map.Dont go out without a buddy(not so much for if you run into trouble,but in case you run out of $$$).And most importanntly dont go out without having a rudimentary knoledge of what is actually in some of those special drinks that are advertised on table top promos.

The first culprit is always the famous Irish Kiss.Fairly straightforward.1 1/2 oz. Bushmills,1oz.Peach Schnapps,2oz.OJ,and 5oz. of gingerale.Not too overpowering but the OJ might not mix with the beer.Usually priced pretty good.Keeps the ladies occupied so you can get some pints down.

Next a sweet temptress I met a couple of years ago.The lady is called Irish eyes.1 oz.of Kilbeggan(or any Irish Whiskey) 1/4 oz. of green creme de menthe,2 oz. of heavy cream.Shake with ice and strain.Good sitting around with the family or friends the night before drink.

Then we'll get around to the real drinks boyo.A Dublin Handshake combines 1/2 oz. of Baileys,1/2 oz.of Irish Whiskey and 3/4 oz.of Sloe Gin.Go slow or they seem more like a backhand to the head.And...they definitley hurt a bit the next day.

In the freaky department,I present the Green Monster.Get ready for this 1 1/2 oz.each of Cointreau,Melon Liquer,Peach Shnapps,Southern Comfort and Vodka.add a 1/2 pint each of Beer and Apple Juice.I know,it sounds like a projectile recipe that would cover the real Green Monster at Fenway.If anyone makes it out the other side,let me know.This recipe fits pretty good in a Big Gulp cup for the parade.

As far as sophisticated drinks í've found this jem For a Chilly Irishman you will need:1 scoop of ice cream, 1/2 oz.each of Baileys and Coffee Liqueur,1 oz.Irish Whiskey,1 dash of sugar syrop and 3 oz.of cold Espresso.Pour in blender over 4 cups of ice and make party!This is a showoff piece and you are not likely to find this in bars.Mucho impressive for a small get together after the parade.

Lastly my favorite.I was introduced to this drink by the burley men of the Montreal Erin Club Rugby Team.This is for real drinkers.Combine 1 oz. of Baileys,1 oz of Jameson in a beer glass.Now fill it up with Guiness.Stir,and dump it down in 2 or 3 shots.No pussy sipping.You have just had your first Irish Car Bomb.Not for the feint of heart or any one wearing nice clothes.Also real easy to explain to a bartender.If you are sober.Order this while already drunk and you'll get tossed out.Trust me.
The most important thing to remember during your St. Patricks Day revelries is the Maritime drinking credo.'Licker to Beer ,yer in the clear,Beer to Licker,ya never been sicker'.Start out with the hard stuff and finish with the beer.Only go serious boozing with people you know well,and for Gods sake,if Erin goes Bra-less dont tell everyone at work on Monday morning.Save it for blackmail later.
Happy St. Paddy's everyone.If you find some other nice drinks send them to my email above.

What I Feel Like Doing Every Morning.

Heres the first in my series of Nascar funnies.I found this picture and it summed up Monday mornings for me pretty perfectly.

The Amazing Enlightening Clarification Of The Term 'Beau Pere'.

For a long time I was very,very confused concerning the term 'beau pere'.I always took it to mean father-in-law.Now,from time to time,in conversation someone would say 'mon beau pere'when I didnt even know they were dating anyone.Even more confusing was a coworker taking a day off from work to go to his 'beau peres'funeral and me serving his father-in-law a poutine while the ceremony was in progress.When Jesus came back,they found the cave empty because he had stepped out for a felafel.
It came to be known to me that most quebecoise use the term Beau Pere to refrence 1)the father-in-law,2)the step-father,3)their mothers boyfriend,4)their god father and ..wait for it...really nice breasts.Now while in conversation the correct meaning of person being talked about is 100% evident to everybody present except the Anglo.At this point we keep interupting the story to try and clarify the identity of the subject.Which after three or four times starts to annoy all listening.
So far in my quest to learn french,this is one of the hardest things i've come up against.A close second is hearing something totally different than what is being said.An invitation to go skinny dipping makes alot more sense than a conversation about a 'hairy doughnut'.Or telling the difference between Jesus and 'je sus'.Wow.Thats when you really know you need to learn more french.Or hire an interpreter.Maybe my father- in-law would be interested in the position.

Herouxville->Signpost To The Apocalypse

This is hard.I've been close to speechless before,but it was always alchohol related.Tonight i've got nothing.The only way to do this is for you to go here nowhttp://municipalite.herouxville.qc.ca/Standards.pdf.pay particular attention to the last two paragraphs.
See?what are you supposed to make of that?Tabernac!Terror on the turnip farm!If these flatland(has to be flatlanders because even backwood boys and mountainmen aren't that stupid)idiots ever get a third television channel, they may be dangerous.Now you understand why I'm hiding under a hood in the picture to the right.Wait a minute.If my face is hidden I can't move to Herouxville.Damn.Can't wait to see how Charest handles this one.
The thing about this is the fact that the town- population 1338(depending on how many chickens were killed for supper the day the last census passed) is advertising to attract immigrants to move there.They just want the right type.Incredible.
If I was on the town council I would put more energy and budget into manditory DNA tests for all residents to identify all married first cousins and let them know their gene pool is a puddle.
Sorry if this came off a little acidic,but I'm shaking my head so hard my kids will have Parkinsons.

The Good News Bad News Department

Welcome to the GN/BN Dept.I'll start traditionally with the good news.The family of former premier Bourassa came forward and asked Mayor Tremblay to end the war over the renaming of Park Avenue.The city rejoiced.One of its institutions is safe.For ten years or so, until the naming rights of all major arteries can be bought and sold at will by Smasher Corp. or youthoughtwewouldntdoit.com.
It has started already.With the property market what it is,nothing is sacred.At the end of August The Spectrum will be torn down to make way for a couple of dozen stories of commercial space.I'll be going to see a show the day after my birthday,one of the last before the close out Jazz Festival.There are few buildings in Montreal I have a fonder relationship with.More shows than I could ever hope to count,more nights spent out front waiting for tickets than I want to remember.I can still recite how many paces in each direction the nearest place to pee was.Unless you wanted to chance catching something at Dunkin Donuts.
Fondest memory ,without a doubt,was having a homeless man come to sit with us for company and proceeding to teach us how to mix Lysol and water correctly for a good buzz.Only on St.Catherine.
Anybody living in Montreal go by to pay respect before it goes.Anyone that has moved on,the next time you go to see a show,tip one back and think of how much better the sound would be at the frenchest showbar in the country.Just for fun,click the Spectrum link down the side of the page.Select Hall of Fame and see how many of the artists listed you saw at the Spectrum.

As it was in the begining...

Today I came to a huge personal revelation.When I left the sleepy hills to move to Montreal,I really didn't have a clear idea why I was doing it.Sure ,I wanted to be rescued from small town boredom by big city life.I could have found that anywhere.There were alot of people I knew living in Montreal.Good mates,and some became good freinds,but as they fell away and moved on,I remained.There was something I had to find here,something I was searching for.It wasn't a conscious thing,more of an peripheral itch.
I don't want to come across as if I have not enjoyed my 18 years here in Quebec.I've met a beautiful woman and been with her for 16 years.I have a good job which i find very gratifying.I've moved through several cliques of freinds and never had a problem being sociable,with french or english,hippie or tough.I love living here.I could just never figure out why.
For the past few weeks ivé been aboard the daunting task of filling up my 30 GB IPod.There is this old hold over mentality from mixed tapes and cdr's that you will always run out of space before you can finish your musical train of thought.No More.With 7000+ songs to play with all the essentials barely covered 3 gigs,then I started filling in album gaps,stuff that looks good if other people pick up your IPod,"Yeah,well,the thing about John Coltrane is...".What bullshit.Then you get to the point where you start to pick around for the quirky,dirty little secret stuff.I know Wall of Voodoo had more than one single,but monkey me if I can remember it.Alot of the mid to late eighties stuff I wanted I found on P2P sites.But some stuff I couldn't.I started making a list of things I felt I was missing and every day I would search the same nine or ten entries.From searching the list over and over I came to a realization.All of the artists on my list were Canadian.Most of them were from Montreal.
Thats when it hit me.Why I came here,what this music had in common.Brave New Waves.Starting in '84 or so,I started listening to the nations overnight radio show on CBC.Right away I fell into this show and its spirit.This was something that was not commercial,not censored,and aimed at that 15 % nerd share of the 15 to 35 year old demographic pie.If you wore something that identified you as different(skateboard,sketchpad,mohawk,camera etc.)you were tuning into the show.I would get home from school,do my homework and take a nap after supper so I could stay up til 1:30 or 2:00 in the morning.Then I would pop in a cassette to tape the next 45 minutes and listen to it on the bus on the way to school the next morning.
The host,Brent Bambury,was from my hometown and had one of those calming,hypnotic CBC voices.Once every couple of years he would come home and a beach BBQ would be organized.BNW fans were unique because they had a much wider social web than anyone else in high schools.Instead of the University radio format of a 2 hour block of punk,then 1 hour of hiphop,2hours of industrial etc,the genre was flipping almost as fast as genres were being invented in the 80's.If I was small town and wanted to hear some new Black Flag,I had to listen through Skinny Puppy and Joy division to get it.And I got it.I got it all.
What really stood out was the fact that while broadcast from Montreal,Brent,Ava Rave,KevinKamoda managed to highlight local acts as often as possible.but it wasn't just the music.It was the stories ..."As I was walking in to work tonight,..."or .."They'll be at Station 10 tommorow night.."There were weekend overnight shows as well called Nightlines,fron Winnepeg and later from Vancouver.Didn't have the same feel at all.
For me Montreal wasnt a music scene,it was a music family.Every artist spent as much time plugging other local bands as they did flogging their own product.Álmost as if all the bands in Montreal all lived in a big block apartment together that bled art and dripped party.
So now that I know what brought me here,the real search is about to begin.Scouring the Internet for whispers of S.c.u.m.,Genetic Control,the Asexuals,Three Oclock Train,Jerry Jerry,My Dog Popper,the Doughboys(at right) ,the Nils,Deja Voodoo(seen above),the Gruesomes,Ray Condo ...and many others.Those are just the ones that were already gone by the time I got here.
So now I have a new mission-to build a angloMontreal music archive of stuff from the 80s.It would have been so easy for these people to go and try to make it in T.O.But they stayed.And others came.By 1990-91 Montreal almost blew up.Seattle had better coffee and more overdoses.But it didn't have history.Or a voice in the night.

Carnavale Will Never Be The Same.

This year was a historic year for Canada and Quebec.First the flood of same sex partners arriving to celebrate their nuptuals from all over the globe.Then the enthusiasm with which Montreal welcomed gays and lesbians from dozens of countries for the Gay Games last summer.The citizens of La Belle Provence behaved themselves very well. There were no major demonstrations,no beatings in the streets.Everything went flawlessly.

Then the bomb dropped.First it was whispered rumors around the watercooler.Then grumblings along the bar and in the corners of brasseries and taverns.Finally the story broke in Allo Police.Bonhomme,the cultural icon ,the cornerstone of the Quebec tourist industry,was outed.

Who could have known.All those years waving and wearing a rainbow colored belt.At first,there was disappointment.Then outrage .The pictures that circulated silenced any doubters.There he was,larger than life,rolling aroung in the snow with gangs of half naked men.What would they tell their children?Would the carnavale still go on?Of course it would.But without its famous face.

He understood.And it wouldn't be hard to find other work.Afterall,you can't keep a good man down(get it?good man/bonhomme?).The best thing to do was get back on the horse.He's been doing the rounds on the festival circuit(Sundance,TIFF,the Barrie Butternut Squash Festival).No takers so far,but its better than doing commercials.He just needs to find that town that will believe in him.

So,for now,Quebec City has to look for a new mascot to bring the hoards to carnavale each winter.A contest for suggestions is underway,and early favorites include a Pirate,a caribou and Ron Jeremy.I keep trying to suggest an indigenous green frog called the Kebecwa,but everytime I click submit my computer freezes up.Must be a glitch on the website.

The lesson here is that given a few more years,tolerance and acceptance will dance hand and hand,allowing anyone to admit thier sexuality without fear of consequences.Maybe by that time,even Don Cherry will be brave enough to come out of the closet.

Every shadow starts in the light....

....even if you are groping in the dark.Saloo toot mond.Way,say m'way le grow tet karay!Thats right sportsfans.This is the place.Somewhere everyone can come to when they wonder why they left La Belle Province or to shake thier heads at why they've stayed so long.And now that we have been recognized as a nation within a nation(along with Labrador,Cape Breton,Toronto's Tent City,and those sixteen guys in northern Saskatchewan who have stopped wearing clothes...)things are only going to get better.Allow me to be your guide to the things Canadians never really find out about life in La Solitude.
This new Blogger format is soooo much better than MySpace.Three months of posting and commenting there got me three friends:A scientologist,a guy from L.A. who sent me a picture of his lost chihuahua in case I find it(?!!?)and a speed metal band from east Texas called My Truck Goes Fast that want me to tell everyone about their page.I felt so loved.
The first thing I want to talk about is a very sensitive subject in the city right now and for the past few months.All you ex-pats might not know it but owr glorificus mayor Gerald Tremblay has tabled and had passed in city council a motion to rename Park Avenue.Unless something miraculous happens soon many beautiful,diverse ethnic communities will be sharing addresses on Robert Bourassa Avenue.The city says its no big deal.They changed Dorchester to Rene Levesque and there were no problems.Sure.But Rene Levesques is home to office buildings and historical buildings not a thriving neighborhood of family owned businesses and restaurants.Make no mistake,Mr Bourassa was a great polititian and deserves to be remembered.Maybe they could find a better way to honor him though.
I hope anyone who receives this invite passes it on and comments often.A tonto.