The New NHL

Alot of oldtimers have been burning on the state of hockey all year long.I've done it myself.But,I gotta tell ya,watching stretch games over the last two weeks,its back and more alive than ever(unless you live in Edmonton or Philly- R.I.P. boys).I haven't been checking out Habs games per say but if you are watching ( or listening ) to games from Tampa,Buffalo,New York and even Nashville-the fans are loud and proud.REAL LOUD!Too bad a good playoff fight is being marred by fighting and highsticking.Both the Chris Simon incident and the Fedoruk punch(you couldn't really call that a fight)were notably followed by very long silences.People are not paying $100 and up to watch some EMTs carry a gorilla off the ice.They can go see it for free on Saturday afternoons when the Freeman brothers get ripped while fishing on Lake Champlain and fall in the hole.The good thing is the game looks like it has made it through the strike era and come out fully intact.Long live the good ol hockey game.
P.S. Montreal are still going to miss the Playoffs.
P.S.S. Go ISLES!!!

Where is the Liberal Party Going or How I Learned to Smell the Pain Fouré

At first it seemed a coincidence to me that the federal Liberal party picked a Quebecoise leader when the Tories seem to be riding their best head of steam in 20 years.Then I thought about it.TRUDEAU.clark.MULROONEY.campbell.CHRETIEN.MARTIN.sharkeyes.Four of the last seven Primeministers hailed from Quebec.And DION is coming.The youth of Quebec love this guy.Within four months of taking the reigns of the party,Marc St Maurice-leader of the Bloc Pot,has defected to the federal Liberals and now Justin is headed to Ottawa.But if the Liberals are all hopped up with french MPs,and the Blocs sitting members are obviously french,who is the joke on?Quebec rails against the federal government,who smiles and says'absolument'.
But its easier to deal with than the provincial situation.The Liberals haven't really done anything wrong,but they are not doing much.I'm thinking of campaigning to get another canidate on the bill.A man we can all understand and relate to,and whose motives are an open book.There is only one man in Quebec who will always tell the truth even if no one is listening .Thats right.Johnny Boy! from Tetes a Claques.You've never seen him,but Charest hasn't ben Mr Red Carpet either.And tell me,who would make a better first lady in Quebec than la Belle Cecille?

Shake The Winter Blues And Paint The Town Green!

Yes,that precious time of year is upon us.St Paddys Day looms and like most years people are like"I'm gonna go to the parade and see what happens from there...".Error!Dont go out without a specified plan.Dont go out without a map.Dont go out without a buddy(not so much for if you run into trouble,but in case you run out of $$$).And most importanntly dont go out without having a rudimentary knoledge of what is actually in some of those special drinks that are advertised on table top promos.

The first culprit is always the famous Irish Kiss.Fairly straightforward.1 1/2 oz. Bushmills,1oz.Peach Schnapps,2oz.OJ,and 5oz. of gingerale.Not too overpowering but the OJ might not mix with the beer.Usually priced pretty good.Keeps the ladies occupied so you can get some pints down.

Next a sweet temptress I met a couple of years ago.The lady is called Irish eyes.1 oz.of Kilbeggan(or any Irish Whiskey) 1/4 oz. of green creme de menthe,2 oz. of heavy cream.Shake with ice and strain.Good sitting around with the family or friends the night before drink.

Then we'll get around to the real drinks boyo.A Dublin Handshake combines 1/2 oz. of Baileys,1/2 oz.of Irish Whiskey and 3/4 oz.of Sloe Gin.Go slow or they seem more like a backhand to the head.And...they definitley hurt a bit the next day.

In the freaky department,I present the Green Monster.Get ready for this 1 1/2 oz.each of Cointreau,Melon Liquer,Peach Shnapps,Southern Comfort and Vodka.add a 1/2 pint each of Beer and Apple Juice.I know,it sounds like a projectile recipe that would cover the real Green Monster at Fenway.If anyone makes it out the other side,let me know.This recipe fits pretty good in a Big Gulp cup for the parade.

As far as sophisticated drinks í've found this jem For a Chilly Irishman you will need:1 scoop of ice cream, 1/2 oz.each of Baileys and Coffee Liqueur,1 oz.Irish Whiskey,1 dash of sugar syrop and 3 oz.of cold Espresso.Pour in blender over 4 cups of ice and make party!This is a showoff piece and you are not likely to find this in bars.Mucho impressive for a small get together after the parade.

Lastly my favorite.I was introduced to this drink by the burley men of the Montreal Erin Club Rugby Team.This is for real drinkers.Combine 1 oz. of Baileys,1 oz of Jameson in a beer glass.Now fill it up with Guiness.Stir,and dump it down in 2 or 3 shots.No pussy sipping.You have just had your first Irish Car Bomb.Not for the feint of heart or any one wearing nice clothes.Also real easy to explain to a bartender.If you are sober.Order this while already drunk and you'll get tossed out.Trust me.
The most important thing to remember during your St. Patricks Day revelries is the Maritime drinking credo.'Licker to Beer ,yer in the clear,Beer to Licker,ya never been sicker'.Start out with the hard stuff and finish with the beer.Only go serious boozing with people you know well,and for Gods sake,if Erin goes Bra-less dont tell everyone at work on Monday morning.Save it for blackmail later.
Happy St. Paddy's everyone.If you find some other nice drinks send them to my email above.

What I Feel Like Doing Every Morning.

Heres the first in my series of Nascar funnies.I found this picture and it summed up Monday mornings for me pretty perfectly.

The Amazing Enlightening Clarification Of The Term 'Beau Pere'.

For a long time I was very,very confused concerning the term 'beau pere'.I always took it to mean father-in-law.Now,from time to time,in conversation someone would say 'mon beau pere'when I didnt even know they were dating anyone.Even more confusing was a coworker taking a day off from work to go to his 'beau peres'funeral and me serving his father-in-law a poutine while the ceremony was in progress.When Jesus came back,they found the cave empty because he had stepped out for a felafel.
It came to be known to me that most quebecoise use the term Beau Pere to refrence 1)the father-in-law,2)the step-father,3)their mothers boyfriend,4)their god father and ..wait for it...really nice breasts.Now while in conversation the correct meaning of person being talked about is 100% evident to everybody present except the Anglo.At this point we keep interupting the story to try and clarify the identity of the subject.Which after three or four times starts to annoy all listening.
So far in my quest to learn french,this is one of the hardest things i've come up against.A close second is hearing something totally different than what is being said.An invitation to go skinny dipping makes alot more sense than a conversation about a 'hairy doughnut'.Or telling the difference between Jesus and 'je sus'.Wow.Thats when you really know you need to learn more french.Or hire an interpreter.Maybe my father- in-law would be interested in the position.

Herouxville->Signpost To The Apocalypse

This is hard.I've been close to speechless before,but it was always alchohol related.Tonight i've got nothing.The only way to do this is for you to go here nowhttp://municipalite.herouxville.qc.ca/Standards.pdf.pay particular attention to the last two paragraphs.
See?what are you supposed to make of that?Tabernac!Terror on the turnip farm!If these flatland(has to be flatlanders because even backwood boys and mountainmen aren't that stupid)idiots ever get a third television channel, they may be dangerous.Now you understand why I'm hiding under a hood in the picture to the right.Wait a minute.If my face is hidden I can't move to Herouxville.Damn.Can't wait to see how Charest handles this one.
The thing about this is the fact that the town- population 1338(depending on how many chickens were killed for supper the day the last census passed) is advertising to attract immigrants to move there.They just want the right type.Incredible.
If I was on the town council I would put more energy and budget into manditory DNA tests for all residents to identify all married first cousins and let them know their gene pool is a puddle.
Sorry if this came off a little acidic,but I'm shaking my head so hard my kids will have Parkinsons.

The Good News Bad News Department

Welcome to the GN/BN Dept.I'll start traditionally with the good news.The family of former premier Bourassa came forward and asked Mayor Tremblay to end the war over the renaming of Park Avenue.The city rejoiced.One of its institutions is safe.For ten years or so, until the naming rights of all major arteries can be bought and sold at will by Smasher Corp. or youthoughtwewouldntdoit.com.
It has started already.With the property market what it is,nothing is sacred.At the end of August The Spectrum will be torn down to make way for a couple of dozen stories of commercial space.I'll be going to see a show the day after my birthday,one of the last before the close out Jazz Festival.There are few buildings in Montreal I have a fonder relationship with.More shows than I could ever hope to count,more nights spent out front waiting for tickets than I want to remember.I can still recite how many paces in each direction the nearest place to pee was.Unless you wanted to chance catching something at Dunkin Donuts.
Fondest memory ,without a doubt,was having a homeless man come to sit with us for company and proceeding to teach us how to mix Lysol and water correctly for a good buzz.Only on St.Catherine.
Anybody living in Montreal go by to pay respect before it goes.Anyone that has moved on,the next time you go to see a show,tip one back and think of how much better the sound would be at the frenchest showbar in the country.Just for fun,click the Spectrum link down the side of the page.Select Hall of Fame and see how many of the artists listed you saw at the Spectrum.